Update: February 16

My world has been spinning around me. I think sometimes people tend to run before they walk. I took a couple inches of slack, wrapped it around my neck, and ran with it but when it ran out I managed to strangle myself. Now I'm in the back fall stage. The ground is disintegrating from beneath my feet faster than I can run. I've pushed myself so much with the health and strength I had, picking up a job, pushing through schoolwork, getting my license, hanging with friends, forgetting my medicine, splurging from my diet, starting to run again, staying up late, and plain neglecting myself, that now I've run out of that slack and I'm disappearing back into reality. The joint pain is killer, I have headaches daily again, I can't bring myself to wrap my brain around my classes currently, my job takes all my energy left, and I have such a weak immune system from beating myself up that I'm sick with a cold that feels like the end of the world. The mood swings have transitioned to an hourly event, and I find myself fighting anxiety attacks, heart palpitations, and wild depression spells. I'm trying to keep my head above water but I'm so concentrated on just making it through the next breath of air, that I have forgotten how to be patient and strong.