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Thursday, May 29, 2014

2 Months Post Op

Two months after my Open Heart surgery I have hit the wall. I have not gotten any further donations on my fund web page (see '' post), which means my car still declines in condition and I struggle to find ways to keep it rolling. I turned 19 on Saturday which was more of a gloomy day than a celebration as I lost my NH Medicaid insurance and had no health insurance whatsoever (too poor for Obamacare). I tried to enjoy a weekend's worth of activities (see 'Boston Aquarium Trip' Post), which resulted in a return of old symptoms like muscle spasms in my neck and weakness in my legs causing them to give out altogether.

The previous Tuesday, I attended cardiac rehab and was informing the exercise specialist of the situation with my insurance when she suggested a new idea. She thought that if I was going to be working out at a gym on my own, I should first push myself while on their holter monitors to see what my heart does under that sort of pressure and if it cools down at a normal rate. She encouraged me to push myself on the stationary bike and after about eight minutes and a heart rate of 160 she encouraged me to slow down to make sure my heart rate dropped at a normal rate. It dived to a point where my blood pressure could not adjust to the rapid change and I ended up feeling dizzy on the floor. I was picked up off the floor by the director of the program who promised to make some calls and get my financial assistance application pushed to the top of the priority list. After sitting through the nutritional class and drinking a few boxed apple juices, I felt well enough to go get the blood work done that my Lyme specialist ordered a few days earlier. Ten vials were drawn along with a urine test to thoroughly check out my systems before the end of insurance coverage that weekend. I felt good enough to head out to lunch with a friend at Friendlys and then was picked up and driven to my disability determination appointment. The appointment was short and sweet and I had no idea how well or poor it had gone, as the doctor encouraged me that I would be hearing from Social Security eventually. I walked back to the car with my head down, slightly concerned that maybe I did not describe my situation well enough and maybe he had not had a full picture drawn of what my symptoms are when I'm in really rough shape. This of course all was happening before I declined that following weekend to a point where I had trouble walking and holding my head up straight after a weekend of birthday activities. I also had started a new anxiety medicine called Klonopin which was affecting me so severely that two hours after I took it I could not function until around lunch time the next day. This was resolved when I began cutting the dose in half after a few nights. I also just started biotin, for my nails and hair which is a healthy supplement for me since I do not drink regular milk and only can handle almond milk.

My total medication list when completed looks a little something like this:
~Vitamin D-3(for energy)
~CoQ10 (good for the heart)
~Magnesium (I tested deficient, great for the gut and detoxing)
~Probiotics (great even when not on Antibiotics)
~Lopressor (blood pressure and heart rate medicine)
~Aspirin (blood thinner)
~B12 (also good for energy)
~Carafate (stomach coating, helps with ulcers)
~Clonazepam (Klonopin, anti-anxiety and depression aid)
~Orthotricyclene Lo (for ovarian cysts)
~Nystatin (chronic yeast overgrowth)
and in the near future because of my worsened symptoms we will be adding treatment for Bartonella, Babesia, and neurological Lyme in the form of three antibiotics and a tincture:
~A-Bart (added to water to treat Bartonella)
I have quite the pill box to put together tonight, and it will get fairly confusing as 2 of those are refrigerated, 2 are dissolving, 2 go in water, a bunch must be taken with food while other away from each other, and one is even four times a day away from all other medicines and food. It will get crazy keeping up with it yet again, and just in time for a busy summer where I want so badly to be normal.

My chest is recovering nicely, with only some muscle soreness and collar bone pain as it pops in and out of place. I do cardiac rehab three times a week and just started working on weighted arm exercises and yoga type stretching. I also still do the stationary bike and walk the treadmill. My improvement is visible and I am doing better than a lot would at this point in their recovery, but I am declining with my Lyme symptoms thanks to the Prednisone which ended this week. It allowed the bug to run wild in my system long enough to need a tough bite back.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

My Current Condition, 7 Weeks Post Op

After seven weeks I can truly say you wouldn't know from looking at me that I had open heart surgery. I walk straight, stretch often, drive myself to therapy where I get on the stationary bike, and I can do small tasks like vacuum and brush the horse lightly. I do not have the stamina that I will one day have after months of therapy and building myself up to where I was prior to the open heart procedure, but the scar has flattened and still fades giving me hope. Another thing improving is that I have tapered down to my final dose of Prednisone for the next week, and then I will only have two weeks left of the side effects from that medication. It caused major emotional setbacks, weight gain, and worsened Lyme and coinfection symptoms. Of course, it is difficult to tell what is a worsened Lyme symptom with the steroids and no treatment, or what is medication side effects. What I know for sure is I can't even list how many symptoms have swamped me again. The major problems I struggle with now are massive depression and anxiety (enough that even my Lyme specialist changed me from Ativan to Klonipin at my check up appointment yesterday), nausea, joint and muscle pain that can leave me unable to move, muscle spasms, light sensitivity and even blurred vision, extreme short term memory loss, hearing problems, dizziness and fatigue, and concentration loss. I feel a lot of these symptoms like I had struggled with for the last few years when the Lyme and it's coinfections were worsened. My Lyme specialist heard me out and ordered antibiotics for me to take if I end up needing them in June even though my insurance will be ending them. This makes it so that I have them before the insurance runs out, in preparation for the inevitable evil. He also ordered a slue of blood tests to rule out any other problems that we could be missing by blaming everything on Lyme for the past few years. I want to make sure there is not something that is being missed, keeping me from getting better. I feel at the end of my rope, and the stress is affecting my friendships and general outlook on life. I just wish I could curl up in a ball and disappear most of the time. Even when some things look promising, like a generous donation from a loving angel to help repair my car, I still find myself questioning why I am in such a predicament. I struggle with keeping optimistic when everything around me seems to be collapsing. What will I do if something goes wrong with my heart recovery after my insurance is gone? Why has someone like me been stomped on by the system that was made to help people like me? Why does no program have the ability to help me, and when will things start looking up? How come no medicine ever works enough to make me cured, and will I ever be cured? These questions circle my brain day in and out, and I feel as if nobody could understand the emotional pain I'm in. I find myself not wanting to talk to anybody when the end of the day comes, and I just want to hide in my bed. When the sun rises I struggle to want to move from bed to head to rehab, where I will be walking and biking and questioning how I ever enjoyed exercise. I used to feel empowered and strong trying to exercise alongside people at the gym, and encouraged to improve myself. I can't help but struggle with this depression and feel so alone and so beaten. I know I have the best support system in the world, with a man that I love, and my mother's overflowing support. I wish that could erase any negative thoughts or feelings I have, but I find myself feeling empty and distant. I want to be quiet and observant when in a public environment, instead of outgoing and involved like usual. I hope this will pass, and I go into my disability determination appointment tomorrow knowing that he will see into this pain I'm in and understand the severity of my condition.

After almost seven years of fighting illness, and being in and out of a wheelchair and even out of state for a second opinion, I still had never set up a financial fund. Asking people who were just as sick as myself, or going through an equal hard time financially for money was just never an option. I still can not be comfortable with the idea of a website where people can go to give money to my cause. I would do anything to be just well enough to work for all my own money, to make ends meet with pure determination and strength. I tried multiple times in a row to work a season at Gunstock Ski Resort, and fell in love with the environment there. I wanted nothing more than to make myself independent and gain experience in the work force that would benefit me later as I hit adulthood and searched for a full time position. I found the days I worked extremely taxing, and needed extra help in the work place as well as accommodations to special hours and shorter shifts. I tried to fight through as best as I could, smiling through the overwhelming pain and paying for it later as I lay in bed in tears. Each season ended a month or more early for me, as I reached a point where tendonitis, neurological symptoms, IV treatments, and surgeries pushed me over the edge. I just wanted to be normal, and I fought so hard to work better and faster than any other employee there. I could not however fool my body into believing I was well. This year, as my season at Gunstock wrapped up early and I went in for open heart surgery, I had no choice but to ask for help. I explored all my options with applying for state aid, even calling a local organization to get ideas for what they could do for me. Partners in Health, described in my last post, suggested I create a page. GoFundMe is a public website where a cause can be supported monetarily through anonymous (if you choose) donations that go into an account and can be withdrawn and mailed to the recipient in check form. If it wasn't for my medical insurance ending this week, and my needing more than $3,000 worth of work, with no other options left to me, I would never follow through with creating a page to beg for help. However, in certain cases someone has to be humbled to a point to ask for help, and this is what I've done. I have created the account with the same private name as my Lyme-related Facebook account, Elaina LymeTeen. If you find it on your heart to support my Cardiac Rehabilitation, much needed Lyme treatment, and car repair funding, please visit

Friday, May 2, 2014

Partners In Health

I wanted to talk a little about the different programs I have found to help out with my situation. One of the most frustrating moments was when my family and I discovered that we had not been told about local organizations that could have been helping us, after almost four years of being sick. There is a state funded program called Partners in Health that is divided up into regions. Their main goal is to help families of chronically ill and disabled youth in any way possible. When we first heard about the program, we were connected to a program director who came to sit down and meet with us and discuss the program. They were able to sign me up for the program based on my chronic diagnosis of Lyme Disease. During the meeting they talked about what I could use for help from the program, and set me up with specific goals for the year. I set goals of getting my situation settled with school, planning a better management plan for my symptoms, and finding ways to keep me active. When I got my concussion skiing and had all my ski clothes cut off of me in the ambulance, the program helped fund me to get a winter jacket. When I needed help paying the school registration for my night classes at Laconia Academy to get my diploma, and the scholarship I had did not come in yet, they fronted the cost until the program could reimburse them. When I fought with the school about a 504 plan, they came to the meeting with us to fight the battle!

Another piece of the program I got involved with was their family council. Designed for parents of the chronically ill, the family council worked to connect the families in the program and put support systems in place for them. They planned and sponsored fun activities, and addressed local problems to help the community out as much as possible. The meetings were once a month and in the middle of the day, so I went in place of my mother. My hope was to become a voice for the children and work my way towards more advocacy, as well as getting volunteer service hours. They almost helped me get a teen support group up and running called 'The Lyme Lounge'. I started it as a Google group where we connected mainly through email, but did not get a high enough response and it ended up faltering.

After a year of not doing too much with the program, I decided I needed some help and called to schedule a visit with the new program leader. She agreed that resetting my goals was a good idea now that all this heart stuff came into play, and came to my house to figure out what they could do for me. This sweet woman sat down with me for more than an hour discussing my situation and throwing ideas out for each need that I had. She mentioned being able to help me apply for state programs through the Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS), and disability. She even mentioned that they might be able to help my car get on the road again. I sent them a quote about the car, which ended up being $3,000 worth of repairs needed including regular maintenance, and she said they could only help with a small portion (possibly $300). She said if I get a second quote on just the necessities, they could try and get another local program to help fund some of the bill for the car repairs. I'm still waiting to hear about this, as I do not have any money to fix the car so I can get to appointments when I start driving again. Another option she gave me was to fund a summer recreational activity for me this summer. On a first come first serve basis they are trying to get children out and moving this summer by paying for a summer camp type activity. She expressed how they would be willing to work with my specific case, but maybe they could do four weeks of horseback riding or something along those lines. This is a cool idea, but I think I might ask them to instead help with a gym membership for the summer as it would be used more. 

There were a few programs I heard about through Partners In Health that I can talk about separately, one being called the YEAH Council. It's similar to the family council but it's for the kids to get a chance to learn to advocate for themselves and educate adults on their medical setbacks. I will be looking into this but have not tried it yet. I was recommended to create a 'GoFundMe' page, where donations can be made towards a medical fund for me, and I have that up and running now as well (see 'Elaina's Lyme Fund'). I plan to do reviews and educate as many people as possible on the different programs I have learned about to save them the distress of feeling hopeless like I have. Maybe I can help someone to a better place in their journey one day. After all, that is what advocacy is all about.

3-4 Weeks After Surgery

After my emergency room visit on Easter day, I was able to concentrate on recovery the rest of post op week three. I had a visiting nurse come out on Monday morning and check up on me. The cannulated stitch in my upper thigh from the bypass incision site was removed, and all my vitals were checked. I ran through a list of medications with her to update her on any changes. Nothing had been changed yet, as I had not started reducing the Prednisone yet. I was anxious to start getting off of it, though, because I struggled with the side effects. One minute I was doing okay, and the next I was angry or bawling my eyes out. It also made me feel like I could eat the entire sink and still be hungry, a typical steroid side effect. I started becoming concerned with the fact that I was not losing any more weight from the fluid retention, and instead the weight was staying on. I tried not to concentrate on that. Being a young female who had worked so hard on my physique before surgery, I was disappointed in the aftermath. I needed to remember that none of these factors were permanent and I would soon be able to tone my muscles back to where they were. I struggled with the first stages of atrophy and my joint pain increased throughout the week. I practiced the exercises I was assigned by the Occupational Therapist to begin the process of strengthening my upper body through a series of controlled stretches. These were inspiring as I felt myself getting a little more controlled and having increased endurance each day. I also continued a long walk each day with lots of movement in between. Beginning the process of strengthening myself and getting moving again kept me going.

Toward the end of the week the glue was working its way apart from the sternal scar. It peeled back slowly, mainly on it's own accord. I had to consciously not help it along, and wait for it to fall off naturally so that the scar could heal correctly. Once all the glue had fallen off, the scar was just a light wrinkle about four and a half inches long, barely noticeable under a necklace. This was inspiring to me, and I watched for the bruising to reduce on the rest of my body. I still have the fading hematoma on my thigh, it has not reduced yet. Also there are bruises on each elbow from IVs, and a yellowing bruise on the right side of the sternal incision. There was some bruising where the port was removed but it went away pretty fast. My body continued to heal, getting better by the day and able to do more without becoming short of breath. People who saw me could no longer tell that I had open heart surgery just three weeks before. My efforts could begin to concentrate on aligning my future plans, and finding some help with the burdens I was encountering financially (see 'Partners In Health'). By week four, I was well enough to begin my final exam essays for American History (my last high school class needed to graduate). The essays took the entire week, but by the time they were done I was so relieved I could have cried. I also did a lot of paperwork for state programs and tried to concentrate on deciding which issues in my life were more pressing than others. When there is so much going on at one time, that is when I begin to list. I had this pointed out to me by my incredibly intellectual boyfriend. He noticed that with my anxiety, I list all the possible negatives, the what ifs, and the oh-nos of anything currently overwhelming my life. Worrying about things does not get you anywhere, so when he notices me doing this he cuts me off and makes me recenter on the current situation. I do the same thing to help me stay organized as well though. I write out long lists and make notes as I accomplish things, and when enough of the list has been accomplished I make another list. It's cool to feel accomplished when you check items off of the list.

On week four I was taken off of the Cardiocom system that checked my vitals daily because I was doing so well and feeling stabilized. My Occupational Therapist came to my house and went on a walk with me for the final time, discharging me for good. I ventured out and about more often, for some short shopping trips and visiting friends, and did not feel as worn out by the movement. I began to feel more comfortable lifting a gallon of milk and pulling my car door closed as my muscles healed. I even picked up a cheap oximeter at Wal-Mart to measure my pulse through exercise and my oxygen levels if I need to. I improved my upper body exercises, and felt inspired to improve my walks with some uphill slopes. All these things fell into place, and I knew by the time I saw the surgeon for a check-up in another week I would be improved enough to be released to do more activity.