Today is the first day of my seven day challenge to post daily on my blog about the events of my life.
The past few days I have been suffering a bad head cold on top of the Lyme symptoms. It kept me in bed for two days, making me miss Civil Air Patrol last night, and I woke up this morning still fighting the stuffy nose, sore throat, headache, slight fever, and fatigue. My eyes burn and are watery sometimes, and my nose actually hurts bad enough to question if its broken sometimes. I know that may sound dramatic, but the combination of the burning, stinging, and sinus pressure is brutal. I woke early and rushed myself to work for 8:30 AM. That means I had to wake my insomniac self at 7:15 this morning, with only 8 hours of sleep where my body usually needs 10-11 hours to have a healthy rest. I worked alone for two hours while Gunstock bustled with middle school students on a field trip and early vacationers from Massachusetts, and then my help finally came in. At that point I was beyond caring if the cold was contagious, because I was tired, sweating, in pain, and dehydrated. I splurged at lunch with a brownie and knowing that was going to hurt my stomach ignored the gluten and dairy. Leaving work early at 2, I jumped in the car, rolled the window down in the almost spring weather, and navigated my way to UNH where I am blogging right now while waiting for my brother and boyfriend to return from a meeting. If I felt well enough I'd use this time to take a run, but I don't know my way around this campus and frankly I'd rather soak up any time sleeping I can. My whole body hurts, and feels bruised. I know my head is mad at me for not staying hydrated enough and pushing myself physically and mentally. I'm so used to the pain that I just keep pushing through it. Most people with Lyme or other chronic conditions do the same thing, smiling and keeping busy to sidetrack themselves from the crushing hurt all over. When one body part hurts long enough they all start hurting and become hypersensitive. That's why even a poke or pat on the back can seem like a brutal attack.
Overall my optimism is high today. I have my ups and downs, days where I would rather disappear and days where I know I have to keep going for the family and friends who love me. Today I feel loved. There's people I don't even know praying for me, and though it's hard to imagine I recognize that today. I want to be an example to other teen girl's who are on the brink of hopelessness. Being depressed, being sad, being frustrated and disappointed, that's okay. We all have those days no matter who we are. It doesn't mean you are weak. Take your day or your week to be upset. Cry, yell, lock yourself away from the world, eat that chocolate and listen to those sappy songs. Sleep in the middle of the day and stay up sobbing your heart story into your journal at night. That's just how your body is handling it's stress, and we all need to relieve that stress in our own way. Have you had your moment? Okay, now pick up the pieces, apologize to your friends and family, put away the junk food, change the playlist on your ipod, and get your life back together. You have to be strong because we have no choice, and other people like myself need an example, we need a strong role model. We'll all get through this. Together.